The New Year.

2008 has been amazing. So tonight, at midnight, we are all going to boo.

My " New Years Resolution": 

Make sure to always go to the bathroom outside of my pants. 

túrána hott kurdís by hasta la otra méxico! from Till Credner on Vimeo.

Hello again

well its that time again... this is the fifth time i have started a new year here at OU. it is a good feeling to be back here in the SigEp house. Its a bustling place with 20 sophomores and 5 fifth- year seniors.  Of course, right now in the house at a little after midnight on a wednesday,  the speakers in every room on the second floor are burning up at max power as everyone has just begun their nights. The five of us are chilling pretty hard right now.  its a beautiful thing. 

Tomorrow is the seventh year anniversary of 9-11. damn were all getting old.  

How Quickly the News Progresses

Volatile India-Pakistan Standoff Enters 11,680th Day

home, homo

lets get pumped for football. i know rex grossman is...

Home again

since being home here has been so much to think about. being jet jetlagged and trying to force a time of reflection is not the easiest of challenges. i promise to put up a good reflection post once i have the last two months of my life in order. for now, i want to thank everyone for probably the best summer of my life! we truly lived the dream... look forward to my final australia reflection post and the finished video. much love to all....i miss you guys terribly.

The English flag may flutter and wave, where the world wide oceans toss, but the flag the Australian dies to save, is the flag of the Southern Cross.

and then there were two

so it has been quite a while since we have spoke. about a week to be exact. work really has been wuite busy and i havent really found the time to sit back and collect my thoughts on this here blog. so hopefully you all havent forgot bout our precious database of virgil's knowledge. pah! who am i kidding i know every single one of you checks everyday for updates. i have you in my trap.

well, i have officially made it to the point in my time here where nothing i really do or see is new. repetition has been achieved. however, it doesnt always mean that it is mundane, or terrible to exist within the bounds of repetition. i am still enjoying every breath of australian air, every step on australian soil, and i still despise the incompetent asian of australia. there are two solid weeks left now here. one week left of work, and another week left of play. Seven of my friends and i will be making an excursion up to byron bay where we will relax and reflect on our conquering of oz. finally... some summer time on the beach with no worries of work.

I always get this pit in my stomach when i leave new places and people. it is always the people more than the places that get to me when i am staring down the barrel of the gun for departure. The people i have met on this trip are nothing short of incredible, and i feel like i have known them my entire life. We have two more weeks to rock out as hard or harder than we have for the last six. cheers to us.

and to all... this montage has brought me some serious inspiration to travel more with my camera:

classic

this is what we spend all of our time making here at work:

keep your hands off my dip bitch

taco night was nothing short of epic. i made a fantastic multi-layer dip that really had the crowd going. since they dont have refried beans, an essential ingredient to any dip, i had to improvise. first i started with 500g of well spiced certified australian angus beef. then we topped it with barbeque baked beans, salsa, olives, and 500g of mozzarella. boom! threw that bitch in the oven for about five minutes till the cheese was brown along the edge, then dropped off a dollop of sour cream and serve. excelente! Plus i just got word that one of the people has the shits today because of it.

"dude, your dip gave me the worst shits"

Thats how you know its good.


for the list:

-"i was taking a dump on the potty"
-"best fucking night of my life"
-"shit happens when you party naked"
-"UofD, NBD"
-mario kart
-free pizza from the program advisors

Butt-Sausage

Tonight im making tacos because i havent had one in a long time, and then probably getting thai food on top of that... so suck it world!


so, by popular demand, people want to know what i am actually doing over here instead of making social commentary, talking to women, spending money, and partying. well to put it as bluntly as possible: i have a job.

I am doing editing and audio work at:

Pinstripe Media
3/20 Cliff st.
Milsons Point NSW 2061

Im giving out the address just incase anyone wants to meet me for lunch at the Delicatessen just under the train station...
I have been doing a lot of work for the Yahoo financial website. we go out and film all these bigwig CEOs and CFOs giving advice about how to use money to benefit yourself and your small business. I am also working with David Koch, who is basically the Australian Matt Lauer. Its a really awesome experience and takes up my 9 - 5 very effectively. there are alot of programs here at the production house that i would not really have the chance to use so extensively anywhere else, so all of this experience is priceless. This place is great because i get treated like an employee rather than an intern. sweet. we also have a ping pong table to let off steam on. Also, unlike in america, many businesses have drinks on friday starting in the mid afternoon.

so thats that.

The following list are my trip favorites for my memory to return to them later:

-Annie ripping out the fridge
-Jeff having to get pushed home in Ryan's wheelchair
-GB, Waterfall
-High Thai Tuesdays
-Lowenbrau
-shotguns
-Toohys 30 Rack
-WYD
-Asians
-Man-down
-Saturday
-People Curious as to what happened to them last night
-poeple that are eighteen (connor)
-Lord Nelsons
-going to buy a tube and funnel and just returning with sunglasses
-gellato
-learning peoples handshakes
-wine+Brad
-aqua golf
- 22 hour days, every weekend
-actually using my time
-Moira's stories
-4:30 sunsets
-the walk home
-aboriginals
-Chelsea's stories
-roast beef/pastrami sandwich + Chips
-Hungary Jacks
- Oporto
-205/ 7th floor
-the right half
-the other half
-25 people in my room at 3am
-being VIP
-men's gallery
-wednesday night scruffy's
-noise violations while listening to death cab
-balcony
-ping-pong
-beer-pong
-union breaks with moira and sam
-the fucked-up shit they put on packs of cigarettes
-hot women - professionals
-wombats
-my apartment shower
-massive bed
-Bill
-telling bad jokes
-facebook
-setting up and taking down equipment
-foreign pool
- eye contact
-toy helicopters
-feeling like i have known the friends i have made here forever because of this list.
-not forgetting.

fart. fart. poop. poop. fart.

The pope touched me down under.

So world youth day has come to a close and all the crazy people are finally leaving. it has been such a riot having them all here. i will never forget the hasslings, both day and night. like, all the youthers trying to give us high fives and us giving them the old psych! or the time when they'd force us off the street because of their sheer numbers. i will miss them all greatly now they have all returned back to their corners of the world so they can return to sniffing the glue in the spines of their bibles.

This was a pretty fantastic weekend to end week-five. it was a rather long weekend since it seemed to have started on wednesday with the opening of dark knight and then ended last night with a second screening of dark knight. That movie is so fucking amazing on an IMAX screen, and what's even better is that this screen is the largest in the world, so what we saw was absolutely jaw-dropping. good thing we wore diapers.

Now these transweekend movie experiences were just the bread of this meaty sandwich. Friday most of us took the day off so we could go do whatever for the day, so we got up, had breakfast and walked through the streets since they were closed for WYD. That night was really interesting...but ill leave that to memory.

Saturday we saw another rugby game and then got to party with the players there after. real nice guys. On our way between the game to the venue, my good boy ryan thought it would be cool to hit up the local skate park in his wheelchair. he wiped out after dropping in on a ramp. so let me paint this picture for you... we are all standing around the skatepark as ryan does his trick and falls. we all start laughing as this group of children and their mom (mum) approches...

kids: "why are you guys laughing?"

mom: "this is terrible"

me: "its cool, we are american"

and thats how that situation was settled. as for the loves in my life...oporto is the best chicken ever, and the strip roll meal is the greatest thing you can do for yourself, even if it is three separate times in a 6 hour period.

VIDEO!!!

Alrighty, here is the teaser for my video compilation of the summer. This segment only includes footage from the weekend we went to the Blue Mountains and the Featherdale Wildlife Park.



YouTube quality does no justice to the true HD experience it will be in the end. Enjoy!

the celebration to end all celebrations

Despite the lameness of this week, there is a lot of funny shit that has gone on whether its on purpose or on accident due to sheer stupidity. When people say "pictures are worth a thousand words"... they meant this picture:

Join The Dark Side,
Holy shit, that is side splitting.

Here are some of my favorite stupid things i have heard or been told in the last two days:

1) "KFC is so inhumane, let's go to McDonalds."

2) (in a deep metal singers voice) "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus"

3) some asshole had the balls to put his hand on my shoulder, look me in the eye and say, "Be straight." you have go to be fucking kidding me

4)"let's go to world youth day"

wow

however, there was this one girl who approched me on the walk home yesterday and asked if she could have a hug. This request was fair, and completely made my day. Thank you, small Irish woman, wherever you are.


Toknight is Dark Knight at the largest IMAX in the world. Chicago is the true Gotham City.

so what if i go to hell... at least all of my friends will be there.

Now is the time where World Youth Day has begun in sydney, and it's fucking horrible. Here we have a half a million extra bodies (that sydney doesnt have room for) piling in to celebrate the world's youth. Sure, thats a great idea, lets do it for the kids. but wait, nope, this event is highly religious, and what better way to fuck a kid up than putting them under the influence of a following gone completely wrong: Catholicism. Honestly, if jesus were here today and saw what his following had become, i am almost positive he would be completely disappointed, upset, and probably even a little creeped out. I mean look, we have a hippy dude who cruised the lands in his day teaching people how to live a moral and wholesome lives. do you think he would be impressed that wars are fought over him? Do you think he would be happy to know that an event intended to celebrate the youth of the world is brought to us by a bunch of pedophiles that have been sworn into a life to preach to word of god? how disappointing. These priests get caught left and right doing unspeakable things to little boys. Jesus ain't down with that. For example lets look into the theme of this years world youth day '08:

You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you; and you will be my witnesses.

that sounds like porn.

"World Youth Day is being held in Sydney Australia from the 15th to the 20th of July 2008. It is a religious event that values faith over reason, mythology over fact, and dogma over science. Targeted as it is to 'youth', this makes it especially counterproductive to the advancement of humanity."

religion is so cultist and iffy. we should all try believing in ourselves and each other for once... because obviously a life of too much submersion into god and Christianity can lead to a world without reason and the uncontrollable desire for boys under 10 years old.



anyhoo, what really matters is the women in sydney are still great....

Hollar for a dollar

There is nothing sweeter to me in the world than telling a good story. And on that same note, nothing is better than getting hooked up with free drinks because you tell a good story. Usually we'll get suited up and tell the people at the local watering holes that we are young american investors. with a few convincing statements you're all set. this can be achieved in a few easy steps: just grab a forbes, a suit (no tie), and prepare to live a life of someone you're not and probably never will be. score!

Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes...

Hola amigos!

so its been a few days since we've chatted it up

 down here in on the blog. Alot of good times

 have come my way here in Oz as we celebrated the fourth of july, went to hunter valley, and blew a bunch of cash at the casino. 

So the fourth was good even though it was the only day we have had so far where the rain was truly crippling. We all wanted to go do the usual american routine for the holiday, you know 

like drink/chug budweiser, smoke marlboro reds, butcher a cow and then buy the meat for our burgers somewhere else... typical american shit. The rains fucked it up though. so, some of the

 group resorted to pan frying burgers and having am picnic in the room, but i just went to McDonalds. it seemed pretty american at the time. I had the McAfrica Burger.  yum. I really wanted to play a game of colonels crossing but i still cant find any african-australians in large enough  masses. wtfbff?  we did, however, find a local bar that let us in for free because we carried american identification. the kid from canada had to pay the cover. 

On saturday we all woke up bright and early at 8am to get on a two hour bus ride down to

 hunter valley, where we visited a barrage of vineyards. Now what i find the most hilarious thing about this whole day trip is simply the 

situation of allowing 50 college students to go to these high-brow wineries and "taste" the product. When  you taste wine you are supposed to spit it back out and not drink it. oops, our bad. lets just say we lived a royally indulgent day of good food and good wine. it was a fucking riot. 

p.s. despite popular belief, wine and a golf driving range DO mix, i would know. 

Then to end my weekend, we went to the casino. first off i will have to say if you are ever in a

 situation where you are on a vacation/learning experience for an extended amount of time; 

don't even fucking bother going to the casino. It is the worst travel habit in the world and i will not be going back... for at least two weeks. jk mom! jkjkjkjkjkjkjkjkjk!

Really though, pick up a heroin habit or something, gambling is bad. I did have fun though at the blackjack tables when i was up a couple hundred bucks until i had a run in with an asian woman. I kept hitting all these sweet hands, and hitting when i had 16 or 17 on the table and

 getting 3's and 4's. this one guy called me "the man with the vision", and i told him i was just buzzed. my luck was going well until this one crazy asian woman sat next to me and bet 200 on my chance at a perfect pair. she hit it, that son-of-a-bitch. now the problem here is that hitting

 a perfect pair pays out 30 to 1, so she walked away with 6000 off my hand. now in the states its customary to give a little back to the person you bet on if you won, but this lady didn't show me anything. she just won six fucking grand off me, i mean fifty bucks would have been nice.

life is good... and another good weekend passed...

i will have a video post soon!

my mom requested that hanson's "hillside manor memorial kicks" get some rep on the blog. 

thanks again mom for hooking up ryan, so we both can have the loudest shoes in athens. 

ONE LOVE

Remember how i told you about the aboriginal man who thought i was cute. just look...

such good times...

there is not muchy to say here. I still cant get his armpit smell of the shoulder of my shirt.

BFFN -- Best Friends For Now

Rugby is an insane sport. last night at the Olympic Stadium, eleven of my comrades and i witnessed a battle between The New South Wales Blues and The Queensland Reds. I really had a hell of a good time dealing with all the rowdy action up in the nose-bleeds. Rugby is the most intense and quickest fat kid fight you can watch outside of the lunchroom. But of course, as Americans, we stuck out like a boner in spandex pants. 

Our offenses:

1. American women cheering. the women in australia don't cheer like the women in america. there are no loud high pitched woos that emit from the aussie women at anytime during the match. so as you can imagine, the bellows of shrieking from our section caught come attention.

2. leaving your seat at all during game play. sure we might have gotten up for 3 to 8 beer runs during the game, but who would have ever thought that would be offensive? especially at a game that almost requires you to be wasted. i thought they were going to breathalyze us at the gate to make sure we were already into the wind. 

3. accidentally cheering for the wrong team. this one is obvious.

4. chanting U-S-A

So the next time you find yourself at one of the largest rugby matches of the year in a country other than the US; just avoid doing anything on this list. our loss is your gain.

So, now that i have earned my PH.D. in rugby, people now often ask me " yo v-club, what sport in the states would you compare rugby to ?" 

Glad you asked.  My first answer would have to be "Rugby". "Rugby" is very similar to rugby, only it has quotation marks and a capital R. My second answer would have be a game we like to call "Colonels Crossing". As you all know, Colonels Crossing is where you go to your local sporting goods store (KFC), and get a bucket of Original Recipe®. 

Now that you have the ball in hand, you need to run across the nearest area with the densest population of African-Americans (the defense). The point of the game is to get back to the safety of your dinner table (end zone) before your life and/or bucket of Original Recipe® is taken from you. At this point you will be awarded 6 points to you cholesterol level. Keep in mind this game is highly competitive and very dangerous. The defense is always willing to do whatever it takes to get their hands on that bucket... fo' free! 

I did learn one thing about australian culture last night; they live by one simple code, which can best be depicted here: Beer, sex, rugby. in that order. oi oi oi.

more south park asian humor to cheer us up

LET'S FIGHTING LOVE

Phucking Phone

Goddamn, effing iphone died in its sleep last night. it was painless yet unexpected. i plugged the godforsaken thing in then went to bed as usual, and when i woke this morning to have it make me breakfast, there was a message upon it which said "iphone needs repair". fuck. so, during lunch i went to the apple store for what i hoped would be a quick repair, but no. the australian geniuses at the genius bar acted like they have never seen an iphone before. the couldn't help me out because australia doesn't have the iphone until the end of july so they no nothing about it. it seems my only option is to send it back to the states to get it fixed. so it looks like i'm without a phone for next few weeks at best. it makes me want to kick a kangaroo right in the kisser.

on a better note...

Tonight i will be going to a rugby game however, so my aggressions of the day should be taken care of by watching "other people" in a drunken, sports driven rage. the game tonight is at the olympic stadium and this match is essentially like what our superbowl means to us. pretty exciting stuff. word to your mother cause your mother says word. 

¿como?

a rather uneventful day at the office. 

 i have been going though libraries and libraries of different types of techno and house music, and i am about to hurt someone. we need a song like this for the showreel we are putting together. it will be a montage of all the different shows and other projects that are done here at the studio. I just want to get to the editing. for every 150 songs i listen to, only one of them is barely acceptable for what we are looking for. All this shit royalty free music has to be techno and house music because everyone who writes this shit doesn't want to have there name on it anyway. I understand now why the only people who can handle this crap are x-heads, and people who drink smirnoff ice.  

its windy as fuck today, too bad i'm wearing a skirt and a thong.

 

i just want to go home and put on my couch dress..

.

Join me as we fall 14,000 feet...

Saturday...

we went to the blue mountains and the featherdale wildlife park . saw some crazy shit, filmed some crazy shit. i was getting all national geographic on the kangaroos, wallabies, dingos,

 wombats and owls. Not many pictures, but a very awesome video to come by the end of this summer. one of my favorite memories however, was the aboriginal man decided to rub my nips and lick my face in front of like 100 people at this blue mountains lookout site. i paid him two dollars to get a picture with him, and then it turned into aboriginals gone wild. i will post that picture once somebody gets it on facebook. 

then there was sunday...

 

Skydiving just flounders is a sea of words. i hope you enjoy the video. It was hard to hold back how nervous i was, but i  was pretty well composed compared to some. 

Ill let the video do most of the talking. I did however, find my self a new hobby!

A beautiful day

Today i woke up with the most unbearable stomach ache. Im a week and a half into this trip, and i have a about a weeks and a half of Aussie food that cant seem to finds its way out of my body. so i figured that the ungodly pain was food trying to drill a new sphincter as an exit. This happens to me every time i go to a new location of extended living, but my body's food-disassembly line usually only goes on strike for about a week and never this long. This is probably the point in your reading where you are saying to yourself, "is he really going to go into detail about his constipation?" so before you give up on me for the day, there is no need to worry. Instead of focusing on the problem, lets focus on the solution.

The solution here is motivation:

Motivational posters are there for everyone in their different varieties of need. Sure they help with your mental drive, but in a physical situation you are going to require tangible assistance.

This is where hungry jack's comes in.

Hungry Jack's, Like burger king is the best over the counter laxative you can get your hands on in the southern hemisphere. If you need help, you need Hungry Jack's.

The burger shown below is called "the Aussie". This is one of the largest burgers i have ever eaten without a prescription. You don't want to fuck around with this bad boy. In addition to the typical American ingredients on a burger, this bad-ass also includes a fried egg, three slices of beets, and basically half a hog worth of bacon. I applied the burger about 30 minutes ago and i can already feel it working. so take my advice, and stay motivated. don't let foreign food shock get you down when there is something around that has just enough American influence in it to save the day.

As you can tell, not much of an exciting day. I we'll be headed to the blue mountains this Saturday to mess with some kangaroos, koalas, wombats, dingos, and the most feared species, the Australian female. Steve Irwin would be so proud.

as for the other posts, the South Park video isn't working at the moment because they are working on the site i got it from. Also, i apologize for all of my grammatical errors. I don't really have time to go back and correct these things, i just try to do my stream of conscience writing and press "post".

good day to you all, we will "meat" again to celebrate the birth of my food baby...

Asian Follow-Up

"american have such massive penis, japanese penis so small."

Yo Girl

Gelato, yo

A bit about the toilets down here (under)...

the toilets around here are nothing to sneeze at. you are given two flush options: a button for #1 and a button for #2 and #3. when the second button is struck its like a dam breaking right in your bathroom. There is no circular direction with the flush, just a wall of water. poo doesn't stand a chance. 

as far as wiping technique goes, ill have to start asking around. see i just sit on the loo as i flush it and ride the wave... bidet to you sir. 

as for the trains in this mo' fucker... i got something to say.

everyday i have to commute, like the big-boy i am, to and from work on a train. them problem the developers totally missed when creating these rail-

turds was that there was going to be an absurd amount of people riding on them every day. the rush hour here seems to last all day long. then people will always ask me: " but v-money, i thought the aussie people were of an ultra-friendly breed, cant you pass the time on a crowded train with a little conversation with a stranger?"  this is the moment where i respond to such a question with a firm kick to their goodies. sure the people down here are nice, but i don't give a shit where you're from, if you are put in this situation its hard to hold yourself back from turning that train car in to a mosh pit. i cant imagine what the express to auschwitz was like, but this seems pretty damn close. 

oh, and one more thing...

sure it seems reasonable to need a ticket to get through the station gates. thats fair. what is fucked is that you need to use that ticket to get back out of the station. if you may have some how misplaced your ticket during your ride,

 you must buy another ticket to get out. if the place was on fire you would have to find your ticket to  escape and keep your life. if you lost your ticket because you sustained massive burns as your pants burned on your body and your ticket is now grafted to your skin, you're screwed. the station security would not be there to cover you in a fire blanket, they would just simply shake their heads and point at the nearest ticket counter. 

until tomorrow...

R.I.P. George...

Deep thoughts...

   part I: "BIG TREES HOMIE"

the land down under is of the most interesting. lately i have experienced the culture shock of portion controlled meals at a costly price. on saturday at bondi beach i had to crush four australian sized burgers to quench my american thirst for more meat. I'm gonna walk off this continent at least 15 pounds lighter than when i entered. sorry mom. 

not yet have i eaten a meal since that has been under $15, except at hungary jack's (burger king) where i had a $10 wopper jr. value meal. 

last night i decided to treat myself to a plate of lobster down at the harbour. like in the states, the menu always says "market price" next to the freshest seafood platters. the swordfish was 29.50, so logically i assume a plate of lobster should be around 45-50 bones. to my surprise, my plate of garlic butter lobster turned out to be 80 fucking dollars. son-of-a-bitch. dont get me wrong, it was damn good, but for just under a hundred dollars you'd think i'd some mashed potatos and an array of succulent steamed vegetables with the tail? fuck no! just some chips and a salad that was half onions. 

damn you australia for molesting my wallet. i wont be eating out again for at least a month. that is the earliest possibility, unless this starving intern wants to start singing and dancing on the street for change. the minimum wage for all australian employees is $14, so even the commonest of man can get down on some good grub no problem, just not me for a while...

part II: "AMERICAN HAVE VERY BIG PENIS"

 

asian people have no idea how to walk, or multitask, or multitask while walking. if you are behind an asian person, and you hear their cell phone ring; move from behind them as quickly as possible. because for an asian person living in australia their legs stop working when the phone starts ringing. i have been here for a week and my stomach has seen more asians backs that a chinese hotel cot. And as you can imagine, i am at least 2-3 times the size of a grown asian male, and when we connect i tend to win that battle. i'm like a train through a pigeon. so get of the tracks when the trains coming through. 

Aside from that, this city is absolutely beautiful. the sites, restaurants and markets of a water side community always have so much to offer. I have been here a week now, and considering what i have seen in every jet-lagged moment of it, the next seven weeks should be quite swell.

a list of shit i do...

welcome to the great american virgil voyage. here i will let you know what i am doing on a day to day basis. facebook doesn't do much justice like a blog can. so show up everyday...