¿como?

a rather uneventful day at the office. 

 i have been going though libraries and libraries of different types of techno and house music, and i am about to hurt someone. we need a song like this for the showreel we are putting together. it will be a montage of all the different shows and other projects that are done here at the studio. I just want to get to the editing. for every 150 songs i listen to, only one of them is barely acceptable for what we are looking for. All this shit royalty free music has to be techno and house music because everyone who writes this shit doesn't want to have there name on it anyway. I understand now why the only people who can handle this crap are x-heads, and people who drink smirnoff ice.  

its windy as fuck today, too bad i'm wearing a skirt and a thong.

 

i just want to go home and put on my couch dress..

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Join me as we fall 14,000 feet...

Saturday...

we went to the blue mountains and the featherdale wildlife park . saw some crazy shit, filmed some crazy shit. i was getting all national geographic on the kangaroos, wallabies, dingos,

 wombats and owls. Not many pictures, but a very awesome video to come by the end of this summer. one of my favorite memories however, was the aboriginal man decided to rub my nips and lick my face in front of like 100 people at this blue mountains lookout site. i paid him two dollars to get a picture with him, and then it turned into aboriginals gone wild. i will post that picture once somebody gets it on facebook. 

then there was sunday...

 

Skydiving just flounders is a sea of words. i hope you enjoy the video. It was hard to hold back how nervous i was, but i  was pretty well composed compared to some. 

Ill let the video do most of the talking. I did however, find my self a new hobby!

A beautiful day

Today i woke up with the most unbearable stomach ache. Im a week and a half into this trip, and i have a about a weeks and a half of Aussie food that cant seem to finds its way out of my body. so i figured that the ungodly pain was food trying to drill a new sphincter as an exit. This happens to me every time i go to a new location of extended living, but my body's food-disassembly line usually only goes on strike for about a week and never this long. This is probably the point in your reading where you are saying to yourself, "is he really going to go into detail about his constipation?" so before you give up on me for the day, there is no need to worry. Instead of focusing on the problem, lets focus on the solution.

The solution here is motivation:

Motivational posters are there for everyone in their different varieties of need. Sure they help with your mental drive, but in a physical situation you are going to require tangible assistance.

This is where hungry jack's comes in.

Hungry Jack's, Like burger king is the best over the counter laxative you can get your hands on in the southern hemisphere. If you need help, you need Hungry Jack's.

The burger shown below is called "the Aussie". This is one of the largest burgers i have ever eaten without a prescription. You don't want to fuck around with this bad boy. In addition to the typical American ingredients on a burger, this bad-ass also includes a fried egg, three slices of beets, and basically half a hog worth of bacon. I applied the burger about 30 minutes ago and i can already feel it working. so take my advice, and stay motivated. don't let foreign food shock get you down when there is something around that has just enough American influence in it to save the day.

As you can tell, not much of an exciting day. I we'll be headed to the blue mountains this Saturday to mess with some kangaroos, koalas, wombats, dingos, and the most feared species, the Australian female. Steve Irwin would be so proud.

as for the other posts, the South Park video isn't working at the moment because they are working on the site i got it from. Also, i apologize for all of my grammatical errors. I don't really have time to go back and correct these things, i just try to do my stream of conscience writing and press "post".

good day to you all, we will "meat" again to celebrate the birth of my food baby...

Asian Follow-Up

"american have such massive penis, japanese penis so small."

Yo Girl

Gelato, yo

A bit about the toilets down here (under)...

the toilets around here are nothing to sneeze at. you are given two flush options: a button for #1 and a button for #2 and #3. when the second button is struck its like a dam breaking right in your bathroom. There is no circular direction with the flush, just a wall of water. poo doesn't stand a chance. 

as far as wiping technique goes, ill have to start asking around. see i just sit on the loo as i flush it and ride the wave... bidet to you sir. 

as for the trains in this mo' fucker... i got something to say.

everyday i have to commute, like the big-boy i am, to and from work on a train. them problem the developers totally missed when creating these rail-

turds was that there was going to be an absurd amount of people riding on them every day. the rush hour here seems to last all day long. then people will always ask me: " but v-money, i thought the aussie people were of an ultra-friendly breed, cant you pass the time on a crowded train with a little conversation with a stranger?"  this is the moment where i respond to such a question with a firm kick to their goodies. sure the people down here are nice, but i don't give a shit where you're from, if you are put in this situation its hard to hold yourself back from turning that train car in to a mosh pit. i cant imagine what the express to auschwitz was like, but this seems pretty damn close. 

oh, and one more thing...

sure it seems reasonable to need a ticket to get through the station gates. thats fair. what is fucked is that you need to use that ticket to get back out of the station. if you may have some how misplaced your ticket during your ride,

 you must buy another ticket to get out. if the place was on fire you would have to find your ticket to  escape and keep your life. if you lost your ticket because you sustained massive burns as your pants burned on your body and your ticket is now grafted to your skin, you're screwed. the station security would not be there to cover you in a fire blanket, they would just simply shake their heads and point at the nearest ticket counter. 

until tomorrow...

R.I.P. George...

Deep thoughts...

   part I: "BIG TREES HOMIE"

the land down under is of the most interesting. lately i have experienced the culture shock of portion controlled meals at a costly price. on saturday at bondi beach i had to crush four australian sized burgers to quench my american thirst for more meat. I'm gonna walk off this continent at least 15 pounds lighter than when i entered. sorry mom. 

not yet have i eaten a meal since that has been under $15, except at hungary jack's (burger king) where i had a $10 wopper jr. value meal. 

last night i decided to treat myself to a plate of lobster down at the harbour. like in the states, the menu always says "market price" next to the freshest seafood platters. the swordfish was 29.50, so logically i assume a plate of lobster should be around 45-50 bones. to my surprise, my plate of garlic butter lobster turned out to be 80 fucking dollars. son-of-a-bitch. dont get me wrong, it was damn good, but for just under a hundred dollars you'd think i'd some mashed potatos and an array of succulent steamed vegetables with the tail? fuck no! just some chips and a salad that was half onions. 

damn you australia for molesting my wallet. i wont be eating out again for at least a month. that is the earliest possibility, unless this starving intern wants to start singing and dancing on the street for change. the minimum wage for all australian employees is $14, so even the commonest of man can get down on some good grub no problem, just not me for a while...

part II: "AMERICAN HAVE VERY BIG PENIS"

 

asian people have no idea how to walk, or multitask, or multitask while walking. if you are behind an asian person, and you hear their cell phone ring; move from behind them as quickly as possible. because for an asian person living in australia their legs stop working when the phone starts ringing. i have been here for a week and my stomach has seen more asians backs that a chinese hotel cot. And as you can imagine, i am at least 2-3 times the size of a grown asian male, and when we connect i tend to win that battle. i'm like a train through a pigeon. so get of the tracks when the trains coming through. 

Aside from that, this city is absolutely beautiful. the sites, restaurants and markets of a water side community always have so much to offer. I have been here a week now, and considering what i have seen in every jet-lagged moment of it, the next seven weeks should be quite swell.

a list of shit i do...

welcome to the great american virgil voyage. here i will let you know what i am doing on a day to day basis. facebook doesn't do much justice like a blog can. so show up everyday...